Apologies for not writing a blog post for a while, I’ve been busy writing and recording a webinar series for homeopaths wanting to learn how to treat fertility cases and it’s taken virtually all of my time.
Today I thought I’d write about the mental side of the fertility journey. Are you constantly asking yourself questions like:
Why am I the only person that seems to not be pregnant yet?
Why is it so easy for them and yet so hard for me?
Well, I assure you; you’re not alone. I hear this all the time from my clients. I would like to show you that it is possible to have a slightly different viewpoint on this conversation you’ve got going on in your head.
Why do you think that this ‘Should’ happen for you?
Do we always get what we want when we want it?
Sadly, we don’t, and yet we can get stuck in our head thinking that we should. I ask this question because I wonder if by feeling like it’s our right to fall pregnant when we want to is actually, a bit like ‘playing God.’ ***
Letting Go of Control
I want to share a story with you about a woman with terminal cancer. The woman had a session with her therapist and they were discussing how frustrated she was with God, and how angry she felt about why this was happening to her. The therapist said, “Why do you think this shouldn’t be happening to you? You’re not God.” Then it was as if a light bulb went off in this woman’s head. She started to say things like, perhaps God has another plan for me and that’s why I have cancer. The lady’s whole demeanor changed as she started to see her situation completely differently. What’s so powerful about this is that following this conversation with her therapist, her cancer went into remission. As soon as she saw it from a different perspective everything changed.
So many of my clients bring up the subject of control in our consultations. They say that when it comes to their fertility it’s so frustrating because they feel it’s completely out of their control and no matter what they do, they can’t make it happen.
It can really look like many other things in our life are in our control, and if we just try hard enough we can make things happen, but are they, really?
Often, people are hung up on the ‘HOW’ they are going to achieve their goal. They want to have a baby, but they only want to have their own child, adoption definitely isn’t an option for them. And yet years and years have gone by and they still aren’t pregnant despite them trying everything they can to make it happen. I wonder if for some people in that situation they need to let go of the ‘HOW’ they are going reach their goal i.e.: have a baby born from their body. And become open to the fact that if all they want to achieve is to become a mother then their baby could actually come from another woman’s body. Changing the how, but still achieving their goal.
The lens with which we see things is so powerful as to how we ultimately feel about it.
Here are 2 different ways to help you see your fertility journey in another way:
Firstly, acceptance, If you find yourself feeling terrible when you hear of a friend’s new pregnancy announcement. Instead of feeling a lot of fear that this is never gonna happen for you like it has for her. Could you frame it in a different way? Is it possible to think instead, I understand that everyone’s fertility journey is different and I accept that this is going to take longer for me, I don’t like it but I accept that that may be how it is for me and that’s ok.
Could you find acceptance for the fact that perhaps your baby isn’t going to come from your egg, and actually it’s possible that your baby is going to come via a donner egg? Or perhaps you won’t fall pregnant naturally but you could with the help of IVF?
Another way to reframe the way you’re seeing your fertility journey is through gratitude. For example, instead of focusing on how you’re still not pregnant yet, perhaps you focus on the fact that you’ve noticed you have a lot more energy because you’ve improved your diet and you feel really grateful for that. Or you’ve found a new understanding of your relationship with your partner since you’ve been trying to conceive that would never have happened if this had been really easy for you, and you’re really grateful for that too.
If you want to feel a bit happier about where you are right here, right now with your fertility, then you need to look at the frame around which you are seeing it. If you can find a way to see it differently you can start to feel better about it.
***PLEASE NOTE: When I say God I mean whatever or whoever you think is running the show, i.e.: a higher power, the universe etc.