Signing up to be a higher dimensional mama.
My path to pregnancy was not a straight line and it was the most intense and challenging thing that has happened in my life, and I would not change a thing.
As a fun loving, energetic and healthy Aussie who always knew how to get what she wanted my path to pregnancy did not go the way I had planned or expected. If someone had told me in advance that my son would take 8 years to conceive and that the journey would be both the worst thing and the best thing that ever happened to me I would have scoffed.
The journey to conceive and birth my son was an invitation to awakening and I would not be the woman that I am today, or have the business that I have today if I had conceived my son exactly when I wanted to which was a whole 8 years before I did.
I had always had terrible menstrual cycles, I would go months and months without a bleed and when I did bleed the pain would be absolutely unbearable. In the beginning of being unable to conceive the first thing that happened was that I was called inward to address why my menstrual cycle was out of whack. It took around a year of working with different naturopaths, homeopaths and healers to begin healing my menstrual cycle.
I learned to get intimate with my cycle and to allow the natural rhythm of my body to dictate how I lived my life. For example through charting my cycle and documenting daily how I felt on any given day I learned that I would always be called inward three days before my bleed. This meant saying no to party invitations or big events on those days as my body just was not up for it. I also learned that I had the most energy two days before my body released an egg, this was the time I was most expanded and most vibrant. I learned to use the energy that was naturally available to me during the month and to rest when I was being called inward rather than to fight it and to push through.
I saw this as a huge blessing and even at the time of desperately wanting a baby I was grateful for this part of my process. After correcting my menstrual cycle and several more months of no pregnancy I began to look a little deeper, I asked myself if there were any emotional traumas I was carrying from my youth that were preventing me from conceiving? The big one that surfaced was that I was sexually abused as a child and I wondered if this was preventing my baby from landing into my womb. I did a lot of work around processing and forgiving the trauma I experienced around this sexual abuse. The internal work was endless, the remedies and herbs I took were endless.
I cleaned up my home and my diet with organic and non toxic everything and I became so obsessed about living a clean and healthy lifestyle free from as many environmental toxins as possible. Still I did not get pregnant. There was one area of my life I was not able to let go of and that was my work, I was either unable or unwilling to change even though I knew that my soul needed me to. I did not listen.
This was when I got sick, very very very sick and I was sick for 2 whole years. My soul forced me to face every choice I had made in my life, every belief system I had up until that time was challenged and it came up for review. I lost everything that I thought made me whole. I was unable to drive, unable to work, unable to go out to exercise and I was bed ridden for two whole years. This was the deepest and darkest period of my life, it is also the time period of my life that I am most grateful for.
I went on a forgiving fiesta of both myself and everyone I had wronged or who I felt had wronged me. I took responsibility for all the choices I had made, all the choices that had led me to this very point which was sick and bed ridden. I and I alone had done this.
And this was the turning point. This was when I began to get well and this was the first time my spirit baby appeared to me in a dream and said hello mama now you are ready. My baby began communicating with me in my dreams and through synchronistic messages and at first it was my daughter ( still to be conceived) who was communicating with me.
If doing all the right things such as facing and releasing my past traumas, eating organic food, getting rid of toxins from my life, meditating, herbs, supplements etc was going to get me pregnant then I would have been pregnant long ago. My baby was offering me a different kind of conception, my baby was offering me a spirit led conception. This was the start of a very very long love affair of communicating with my baby. Once I said yes to this journey I stepped into a reality that no one else in my circle knew about or believed was possible.
The dreams and synchronistic messages were so intense and so wild that I simply stopped telling people about them because no one believed me. The signs started small at first such as dreaming of my baby who was wearing a little onesie that had dragon flies all over it, and then the next day seeing a dragon fly and just knowing in every cell of my being that this was a wink from my baby saying hello. My baby told me that she wanted to be called Willow and then the following day someone messaged and asked if I wanted to go out for dinner to this new cafe that had just opened, yep you guessed it, it was called Willow.
Now I know that people will just strike this up to coincidence however I have come to learn after thousands of synchronistic messages that coincidence is a made up word which is designed to pull you from your knowing, to pull you from your inner connection so that you continue to give your power over to others. There is no such thing as a coincidence. Once you step into this world of synchronicity and spirit led conception you will come to realise this too.
So lets fast forward a few years. The messages never stopped they just kept guiding me and directing me as to what my baby asked of me next. Ultimately what my baby guided me to do was to live my best life and to live a life that was in alignment to me.
What alignment looks like to me is that I eat what my body asks for when it asks for it. I forget that its not gluten free, wheat free or activated. If my body has asked for it, I trust my body and my baby 100 percent. There are no rules or boundaries around food when I listen with my whole heart to what my body wants and needs in any given moment. This can and does change from day to day and week to week. There are no cheat days or meals, they are simply not necessary when I approach food in this way.
I exercise when my body asks to move. I don’t follow a calendar or pre arranged routine of what I am going to do on what day. This may work for some but it has never worked for me. I surf if I want to, I go to the gym if my body is craving it, I walk for hours on end or I do nothing at all. I trust my body 100 percent.
I say no to invitations if my energy and soul are wanting to stay in, usually this is a direct reflection of where I am in my moon cycle.
I trust the flow and divine timing of my work and creative projects with every cell of my being. When things are not going my way I remind myself that the universe has plans that I cannot yet see.
I do my best to meet every person with where they are at on their journey. I recognise every person who crosses my path as both a student and a teacher.
I recognise myself in my human-ness and that yes I mess up sometimes and thats ok.
I placed so many self imposed rules upon myself in my journey to become more conscious and to become a parent that I forgot that play was the most crucial element of a life well lived.
I learned to look at the things I labeled as blocks preventing my baby from landing in my womb as opportunities my baby was giving me to release all that no longer served me. My baby was so dam intelligent that he was offering me a fertile pause, a period of time so that I could birth the mama that he had come to experience.
Was it all smooth sailing, no it was not. Did I lose it over and over again during the 8 year period of calling in my baby, yes I did. Would I see an obese pregnant woman carrying a can of coke and a new born baby and scream inside, yes I would. Did I ask why me, why am I the one who has to hear constant messages from my baby only for them not to arrive month after month after month, yes I did. Would I cry in a heap each month when my period came, for the first 5 years yes I did. The layers of surrender were endless, each time I surrendered I thought that must be it, surely there can be no more surrender, only to surrender again.
By the time I reached the 6 year period of calling in my baby there was a true shift in my energy and the way I approached the journey. I no longer cried each month when my period arrived, I looked at it as at least another month to know my body and baby more intimately. I was no longer triggered by pregnancy announcements or seeing pregnant ladies in the street, in fact when I would see a pregnant woman I would go and stand up close to her and drink in her pregnant energy and remind myself that I will be next.
At around the 7 year mark of my journey to call in my baby I had a dream and it was the first time my son had come forth and he told me in a dream that he wanted to be conceived by IVF and that I was simply not ready to hear it before now. This dream shook me to the core because firstly it had been my daughter communicating with me for the whole journey and secondly IVF was something I said I would never do because I was carrying so many stories and so much dogma around IVF. I am organic and clean I could simply never put those drugs into my body.
I was required to really dig deep and to practice all that my journey had shown me up until this point. Wow my son is coming first and wow he wants to be conceived with IVF. I decided if I was going to go into IVF then I was going to do it differently than anyone else I had ever heard of. I wanted to welcome the IVF medicine into my body with love and grace, I wanted my body to select the most adventurous eggs, I wanted to create an environment where science and medicine unite to create magic. I began looking for a program online that could support me in this process and it did not exist, and this was the first time I heard the future spirit babies call to me. The spirit babies called to me to create this program for firstly myself and then all the future mamas who are to follow.
I allowed my spirit baby and my heart to choose a fertility clinic that felt in alignment and I began the process. I created a program to take myself through the journey and to welcome the medicine in with love and magic.
So many synchronistic events played out for that first IVF cycle. It was as if a magic carpet had directed me to every destination. I was surrounded and supported by absolute magic.
You can imagine my crushing heartache when that first cycle failed to produce any fertilised eggs. I didn’t even have the chance to hold an embryo in my body. I was devastated.
After creating the program and sharing the magic with my soul for the first cycle not to work I was like WTF universe. I FUCKING HATE YOU.
The gifts of that cycle not working was the depth of absolute grief I experienced. I was completely blindsided by that grief. The grief slapped me back to 3D reality instantly, it also teleported me to a place of magic. The meditation series I created would have been missing a crucial layer of depth had I conceived the first time. That grief was a tremendous gift, a spiritual package of raw downloads to help thousands upon thousands of women who are yet to undertake the journey.
Before cycle number 2 I had a dream. I was with my spirit baby and we were in my ovaries. Millions of eggs were swaying and my little boy who was holding my hand yelled out who wants to be me. All the eggs parted and bowed to one golden egg which raised up from the rest. The egg was encased in a gorgeous box and a goddess walked the egg down and handed the box to my little boy who beamed at it with love and gratitude.
Fast forward to cycle 2
Cycle number 2 resulted in one fertilised egg. ONE GOLDEN EGG. The fertility clinic were very negative about going through all that and only having one egg. But I knew it wasn’t just any old egg.
That one golden egg was transferred into my womb and I knew instantly that after 8 years I was pregnant for the very first time.
After the birth of my son I was hit with the magnitude of what my husband, my son and I had accomplished. The whole 8 year fertility journey, finally conceiving, the 9 month pregnancy, the labour and birth. All the dreams, hopes and wishes of the past 8 years that had now come to pass. A monumental life changing event, the highest mountain peak summit climbed and conquered.
Layers upon layers of conditioning stripped away. Layers upon layers of surrender asked of us time and time again. We were asked to let go, bend, stretch and expand our minds over and over and over again. The expanding and stretching all the way to his birth, all the way to his labour, we were called to let go of how we wanted the outcome to arrive.
Now that he was here I was filled with tears, emotions running in all different directions. I reached and fulfilled my biggest dream and I was overcome with the magnitude of the spirit baby led journey.
The Integration of an 8 year dream into my current reality was another process all into itself that deserves its own post.
Before my fertility journey I was not intending to work with spirit babies or to serve other women who are calling in their spirit babies but the universe and Covid had other ideas for me. Before Covid my life journey was taking me into the direction of creating a 13 part TV series called Surf The Wild Woman which is currently postponed due to it being a travel documentary series. My journey of calling in my baby and creating Surf The Wild Woman are two journeys that are linked. Covid hit just months after my boy was born and the spirit baby realm called upon me and said now Belle now it is time to step up and lead with all that you have learned.
I pivoted my film series Surf The Wild Woman and I used my skill set to create a brand and a series of programs for women to birth their best selves and to communicate with their spirit babies. Over an 8 year journey I had learned how to communicate with spirit babies and you can too. I offer readings / mentor sessions to help you communicate with your spirit baby. My intention in offering these programs and readings is to create an environment where you are able to connect with your baby and your intuition so that you can find the answers that you seek from within, a sacred space where you will no longer need to seek outside guidance. My greatest wish for you is that you enter into the knowing space where your baby and your intuition will guide you on this journey of communication and conception. A session is an excellent way to confirm that there is a baby waiting to incarnate to you and that you are indeed already communicating with your baby. With this knowing you are able to drop deeper into a space of knowing where you able to trust that what you are receiving is real. Once you drop into this space of trust, the messages from your spirit baby become so obvious that you will wonder how you never saw them before.
If you want to learn more about my journey, programs or readings you can listen to my story episode 1 on my podcast Generation Wild Woman or head to my website.